Supporting Children After a Traumatic Event at Home

When a death, violent event or serious injury happens at home, the home itself can feel different afterward. Children may be confused or frightened, and adults are often trying to cope with their own grief or shock while caring for others. This guide offers general, practical ideas drawn from public health guidance. It is not a substitute for professional care, and it points to where to find that care.

If anyone is in crisis

If a child or adult in your family is talking about wanting to die, is unable to function, or you are worried for their safety, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. For immediate danger, call 911. The SAMHSA Disaster Distress Helpline, listed by the National Institute of Mental Health, also offers support at 1-800-985-5990 by call or text.

What helps children in the early days

The National Institute of Mental Health's guidance for helping children after traumatic events emphasizes several practical steps:

• Safety and basic needs first. Make sure children feel physically safe and are fed, rested and cared for.
• Keep routines where you can. Familiar rhythms such as bedtime reading or family meals help children feel secure. If you are staying somewhere else while the home is cleaned, bring familiar items.
• Stay calm. Children take cues from adults. Looking after your own coping helps you support them.
• Let them express feelings. Allow sadness and tears. Children may talk, draw, write or play about what happened. Do not force them to talk before they are ready.
• Limit exposure to news and social media coverage of the event.
• Give them small choices, such as what to eat or wear, to restore a sense of control.
• Be patient with changes. Bed-wetting, clinginess, irritability, acting out or returning to younger behaviors are common. Avoid anger, and do not expect them to be brave or tough.
• Be honest. Avoid promises you cannot keep, such as saying everything will be fine tomorrow.

Talking about what happened

Children usually cope better with simple, honest information than with silence, which leaves them to fill gaps with their imagination. Some general principles:

• Use clear, concrete words suited to their age. With young children, words like "died" are usually less confusing than phrases like "went to sleep" or "we lost him."
• Answer the questions they ask without adding more detail than they need. They will ask more when they are ready.
• Expect the same questions repeatedly. Repetition is one way children process.
• Do not describe graphic details.
• Let them know it is not their fault. Children sometimes believe they caused bad things to happen.
• Tell them who will take care of them.

After a suicide, families often wonder what to tell children. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offers resources, including booklets for children and teens, to help with these conversations. See our guide on first steps after a suicide loss.

The home itself

Children may be anxious about returning to the home or to a particular room. Some ideas:

• Keep children out of affected areas until professional cleanup is complete. They should not see or help with cleanup.
• Explain in simple terms that a room is closed while it is being cleaned and fixed.
• When it is ready, let them return at their own pace, with you.
• Some families change the use of a room, rearrange furniture or repaint. These choices can help but do not need to be made quickly.
• If a child is very fearful of the home, talk with a mental health professional before making decisions such as moving.

Teenagers

Teens may withdraw, spend more time with friends or online, or take on adult responsibilities. They may also take risks. Stay available, check in without pressure, and watch for signs such as changes in sleep, eating, grades or friendships, substance use, or talk of hopelessness. Teens can also call or text 988.

Adults in the family

Adults grieve and react differently, too. One person may want to talk constantly; another may need quiet; another may throw themselves into tasks. Try to allow for these differences. Common reactions include trouble sleeping, replaying the event, feeling numb, irritability and difficulty concentrating. Taking care of basics such as sleep, food and short walks helps. So does accepting practical help from others.

If you were the person who discovered the death or witnessed the event, you may have additional reactions. Talking with a counselor or your doctor can help.

When to get professional help

NIMH advises reaching out to a health care provider if a child's reactions, such as physical complaints, sleep problems or withdrawal, last more than a month, and sooner if new problems develop, especially if they last more than a few weeks. Signs NIMH lists include:

• Flashbacks or reliving the event
• A racing heart and sweating
• Being easily startled
• Emotional numbness
• Feeling very sad or depressed

The same general guidance is reasonable for adults. Starting points include your child's pediatrician, your own doctor, school counselors, and mental health professionals who work with grief and trauma. Victim advocates can help connect crime victims' families with services, and some state crime victim compensation programs cover counseling costs.

Schools

Let your child's school know, as much as you are comfortable sharing, so teachers and counselors can watch for changes and offer support. Ask whether the school counselor can check in with your child.

Looking after yourself

Children do better when the adults caring for them have support. Lean on friends, family, faith communities and support groups. It is not selfish to take time for your own grief.

Practical help with the home

Handing the cleanup to professionals means children and family members do not have to see or deal with the scene. New Dawn Bio Restoration works quietly and sets aside personal items for the family. When you are ready, contact us or call 615-914-0790, and please confirm availability for your location.

Related services

• Trauma scene cleanup

  Cleanup of blood and bodily fluids after a serious injury, including self-inflicted injuries, where the person was taken for care.

• Crime scene cleanup

  Cleanup after police have released a scene, including blood and fluids as well as the powders and chemicals used during an investigation.

• Suicide cleanup

  Private, respectful cleanup after a death by suicide, so family members and friends are not left to handle it themselves.

Related guides

• What to Expect After Police Release a Crime Scene

  When police release a crime scene, investigators have finished collecting evidence and control of the property returns to the owner or occupant. Police do not c

• After a Suicide Loss: Practical First Steps for Families

  After a suicide loss, the first priorities are your safety and support: lean on people you trust, and if you or anyone in the family is in crisis, call or text

• What to Do With a Loved One's Belongings After a Traumatic Death

  After a traumatic death, only belongings that were contaminated need a prompt decision, for health reasons. Everything else can wait until the family is ready.